Breathless

Two words can strike fear in the heart. They can rip a heart in two. They can shatter dreams of a life together. They can knock the sun out of the sky.

"He's gone."

Two words that just leave you breathless, as a friend, as a wife, as a military family member. I had the great sadness of "hearing" these words from the fingers of another military wife. Let me tell you the little bit I know about her, since I don't know enough to eulogize her dear husband.

She is a beautiful, vibrant woman in her early twenties. She works full time, continues her college education, and cares for their darling baby son. He is precious, with little dimples in his knees and those pinchable baby rolls...but most endearing is his wonderful smile. It lights up his face, makes his eyes sparkle, and brings a beautiful smile to his mother's face as well. I have only seen pictures of the two of them, as we met online after her husband had deployed. They are a modern day Madonna and child, smiling in the joy of each other in those pictures. They warm the heart.

Let me tell you more about this woman, along with a little about myself. I am sometimes struck with fear...fear of the harm that could befall my husband, fear of the changes this long time apart will bring, fear of loss. At a particular low point after he deployed, I wrote about it to my friends, the wonderful ladies who surround me with wisdom, experience, and strength. This woman is one of us, and she also held the same fears I did. Yet she reached out to share a bit of her strength with me...reassuring me that it was normal to fear, but that we should reach beyond when we have no control over a situation. She reminded me to trust that it would all be behind us soon, and we wouldn't fear again.

She reached out to me in my time of need, which was also her time of need. She strengthened me out of the pool of her own strength. She gave of herself in order to uplift us all.

Now she is in her hour of darkest need. She will never have the joy of that homecoming. Her trust that all would be well has rung hollow. And the most she was capable of mustering in this terrible place in which she finds herself was "he's gone."

Please hold a good thought or say a prayer for this family: for those who raised him, those who grew with him, the wife who loved him, and the son who will only know him through the memories of others. And do the same for the thousands of families who have stood in their places over the past six years. A hole is rent that no stitch can fully close.

May he rest in peace. ברוך אתה ה' א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, דיין האמת. ‏

A Chanukah Progression

2008 is winding down...

1) Where/ with whom did you begin 2008?
I believe I began it asleep in my husband's arms, at home.

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?
Happily married and in love.

3) Were you in school any time this year?
Oh, yes. The spring semester I took off due to childcare and scheduling difficulties, but I attended during the summer and fall. I also graduated with my Associate in Arts and Sciences!

4) How did you earn your money?
Attending school and caring for hearth and home. I think I'm overpaid for the latter. ;)

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes, when my son burned his feet in a fire.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Only on reporting a strange phone call regarding a supposed accident with my husband's truck, which had been sitting in the backyard hundreds of miles from the alleged incident.

7) Where did you go on vacation?
Vacation? What is this of which you speak?

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000 at one time?
Nothing that I'm aware of. The closest thing was my husband's laptop.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes, my best friend's mother married her high school sweetheart this fall. I'm thrilled for them!

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Unfortunately. The most recent was my father's cousin, who was entirely too young. In a way it was a relief from her suffering, though, as she had fought cancer for several years. She is now at rest. We also lost my dear aunt to Lou Gehrig's disease.

11) Was anyone born?
Of course! We welcomed several new lives into our circle of aquaintance.

12) Did you move anywhere?
No, thankfully.

13) How did you celebrate your birthday?
Surrounded by family and friends in a summer picnic on the deck. It was wonderful.

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
None, actually.

15) Are you registered to own a gun?
There are more than enough people in this family registered to own guns, that I'm not concerned. ;)

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
Well, I didn't really care, since I haven't ever watched it. I don't even know the premise of the show.

17) How did you spend your summer break?
With summer classes and preparing for deployment, I didn't really have one!

18) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2008?
I really can't think of anything.

19) What has been your favorite moment?
The moment I jumped into my husband's arms while he was on leave for Thanksgiving. He came home around midnight, and after a moment's hesitation and with a beckon from him, I pounced.

20) What's something you learned about yourself?
I can't say that I really learned anything new. Maybe how much I really need others, how little I can do on my own?

22) What was your worst month?
This past one has been quite a doozey.

23) What music will you remember 2008 by?
Jason Mraz's album and the Twilight soundtrack.

24) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Myself, I suppose. I'm not much of a drinker, but when I do, it's generally winding down alone at the end of the day.

25) Made new friends?
Of course!

26) Made new best friends?
No, but new close friends.

27) Favorite night out?
Did I have one?

28) What sporting events did you attend?
None. I'm not much on sports.

29) What was your best month?
May, when I graduated. I was over the moon with happiness.

30) Overall, how would you rate this year?
I've had better, but I've had worse.

31) Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
At school.

32) Change your hairstyle?
I chopped 10 or so inches off for Locks of Love this past spring.

33) Have any car accidents?
No, knock on wood.

34) How old did you turn this year?
Old enough to know better, too young to care. Wait, I was that for the past few years, wasn't I?

35) Did you have a New Year's resolution?
I believe the resolution was not to make any, lol.

36) Do anything embarrassing?
It's me, so I'm sure I did.

37) Buy anything new from eBay?
Yes, but I can't remember what besides clothes for the little one and ornaments.

38) Get married?
No, that was about eight years ago.

39) Get arrested?
Thankfully, no.

40) Be honest - did you watch​ American Idol?
Honestly, no.

41) Did you get sick this year?
Of course! Having little petri dishes means getting sick.

42) Been snowboarding?
Can't say that I did.

43) Are you happy to see 2008 go? Yes and no. It's good to welcome new experiences, and I'll be thrilled to have the deployment over and my husband home. On the other hand, I hate to see time slip through our fingers as it passes.

Day by Day?

When I first conceived the idea for this blog, it was intended to be a daily chronicle of our lives apart. Unfortunately, one of my less-loveable characteristics is being a procrastinator...and boy, do I do a number on procrastinating lately! I've had several ideas for posts, but going from idea form to getting on Blogger, and then to composing a post is something I just haven't been able to muster up the gumption to do over the last week. So, my apologies, blog. I'll try to do better in the future...but maybe we can adjust our expectations, too? ;)

My excuses for this week are all centered around one thing: we've been sick. Between colds, stomach bugs, and the Creeping Crud (a cold that just won't go away, which clogs the brain cells along with the sinuses), I haven't been able to do much mental working. But other things have also been happening!


First, a phone call. My cell phone had been acting up, not receiving calls and delaying the delivery of voicemails for hours at a time. After a trip to the wireless service office and some software updates, along with a warning that the network was being worked on and might experience blackouts for another month or two, the phone finally began receiving calls again! Anyone who's missed the call of a loved one overseas will understand exactly what I'm talking about when I share that the kids and I formed a conga line after talking with the hubby...there is no way to explain that feeling of giddiness after the anger and disappointment of missing multiple phone calls over the week or more before hand. But our soldier was fine, bored out of his mind, and wanting to sign for another six years...in other words, perfectly himself. Nothing can compare to that! Well, nothing except maybe...



...a package! Yesterday I received a package from across the seas. The package itself was wonderful, of course. There was a bracelet for my sister-in-law who loves turtles, and a set of scarves for me. The scarves still held the scent of the incense they had soaked in, which was just wonderful. Nothing says exotic like incense-scented hijab for those of us who haven't experienced the wider world. But beyond that was something near and dear to my heart...a leather-bound journal. I am a complete bibliophile...I smell new books, and I love the feel of old, well-loved books. I have multiple journals, some of which are filled, others which are waiting to be started. But the best part of this book wasn't the feel or the smell or the thoughtfulness of my husband who saw it and thought of me...the best part was the full-page letter on the first page. Writing in visual language which speaks to me, my darling husband told me that this was opening a new chapter in our lives, and that the journal was intended for me to write down my wishes and hopes for our future while I also recorded the day to day happenings of our lives while he's gone. Loving words from a world away, encased in wonderful wrapping. I think it's one of the best presents I've ever received.

SCG Shipping!

It's one of those things I don't really understand well...but apparently a Family Readiness Group (FRG) can't fundraise from the community due to its legal/tax status...but a Soldier Care Group (SCG) can...and our SCG has! I wish I had taken pictures, but on Saturday we got together for a little "packing party," which ended up producing 85 boxes to split among our soldiers. We were given chips, crackers, Cup-of-Soup, beef jerky, candy, gum, notebooks and pads, pens, pencils, toothbrushes and toothpaste, coffee, filters, sugar and creamer, hats and socks, and all kinds of odds and ends. On top of that, the shipping costs (which came in at just over $1000) were covered by a very generous local company!

After a long day of packing, labeling, and addressing on Saturday we called it a night, but those of us who live in the vicinity of the armory went back there this morning to load and haul those boxes to the post office. We met at the armory around 0900, worked for about half an hour filling out customs forms which we hadn't had enough of, and then went down to our local post office to send them on their way. It was 1130 before we were getting close to done, and the poor man behind the counter had his work cut out for him. We earned appreciation from some sweet neighbors and acquaintances for "taking care of the troops..." but we were quick to inform them that they were our troops, so we were more than happy to take care of them!
We also ran into another waiting warrior...a fiance whose soldier happens to be my husband's driver! This was the first day we could send mail or packages to our soldiers, so apparently each one of us was doing just that...and he happened to do it at our particular post office. :)

We had a good time talking, joking, chasing children, and catching up on the latest tidbits of news from overseas. I know many people don't hit it off well with their FRG, or they're not interested in becoming a part of one, but I can't tell you how much I get out of being with others whose soldiers are with mine. Even if we're just complaining about the weather (or praising it, as the case was today. Highs were nearly 70*!), being together knowing we're in the same boat means a lot.

And another week is over...

I could just as easily have called this post "Homefront Headaches," but I think we've all had enough of the homefront theme for a while. This past week has been a whopper, what with all of us down and out from a particularly nasty cold virus. The little miss started having a fever on Sunday night, and ran one of 103-104.3* most of the week, finally tapering down Thursday to just a slight fever on Friday. After a visit with our friendly family doctor (he really is, honest!), we found that it is not influenza, nor strep throat, nor pneumonia...just your garden variety cold. All three of us have been coughing, sniffling, and battling fevers and headaches this week, which is unfortunate since for me it was exam week. Thankfully I was able to pull through with just one all-nighter. Hopefully my final essays for my America in the Middle East class won't reflect how late it was when they were finished. ;)

I also wanted to post something I meant to share and completely forgot about...my gift from my wonderful, loving husband! Since his unit was allowed a final leave over Thanksgiving before returning to base to ship out, he took the time to find one of my favorite things to give to me. Hubby really doesn't like Willow Tree figurines. His main complaint is that they are faceless, and I can see how that might be a turnoff. Personally I like them more because it's a simpler style and allows for the figure to represent just about anyone. Hubby knows how much I love Willow Tree, and over the years I have received Willow Tree figurines and Willow Tree ornaments. This latest one is near and dear to my heart: "Love of Learning: Open books, open minds." I can almost always be found with a book in hand or close by, so this figurine is just right for me. Thank you, sweetheart, for a wonderful gift! ♥

Playing Catch-Up

I have several things that I've wanted to blog about in the past few days, but haven't found the time until now...so here's a little catch-up edition of the Homefront...




I am transferring from my community college to a [fairly] local university in the spring, and a few days ago we had our orientation. I am so excited to be moving on to a new stage in my education, and I absolutely love my new school. Apparently I'm not the only one, because everyone there was overflowing with praise of the university, the faculty, and most especially the grounds, which are beautiful even in the winter without snow. It's certainly a change from what I've grown used to over the last several years, but I'm looking forward to a new challenge.




Our Family Readiness Group (FRG) got together for a holiday shin-dig this weekend. We were treated to some wonderful homecooking and a visit from Mr. and Mrs. Claus, which the children were thrilled about. Most of them weren't too sure about the man in red at first, but my son was off like a shot as soon as he caught a glimpse of the velvety suit. He ran right up to Santa and grabbed onto a leg like he had found his long-lost buddy. He was also the first in line to sit on Santa's lap, and was very proud of himself for showing Santa with his fingers how old he is..."Fwee."

While we were there we also discussed plans for the Soldier Care Group and made a banner telling our unit "we ♥ you." First we had the kids put their painted hand prints all over it, but then the adults wanted to get in on the action as well...so we wives and mothers added little postscripts to our names and ages, such as "always" or "we love you" or "come home soon." We had a laugh when I picked up a marker to write my own postscript, which ended up in lavender ink..."of course, you have to be different!" With a grin and a flourish I added my own postscript: "Catch ya on the flip side." As we all know, I'm nothing if not unique!




Saturday evening we finally dragged out the Christmas tree and put it up. I do mean dragged, because that sucker is heavy in the box! Putting it together was no walk in the park, either, as I managed to maim myself with the metal end of one of the branches. All was not lost, however...I took us out to eat at McDonald's afterward, and got hot fudge sundaes as a special treat. What do hot fudge sundaes have to do with a Christmas tree, you ask? Nothing! But it was a nice way to cheer up after the madness and mayhem of decorating with two munchkins.

So that is my quick way of bringing us up to speed, somewhat. Exams will be over by the end of the week, so hopefully I'll be able to find more time and more fun to enjoy in it.

Superhero Vacuum Brush

I can't begin to say how lucky I am...you see, I have a resident superhero! He normally parades around in his little man underwear and a Hulk mask, ready to do battle using a vacuum brush. I was given to know this afternoon that the brush attachment for our vacuum is actually a superhero brush. Unfortunately, there were evil doers on my sweatshirt at the time, so I was an innocent bystander caught in a battle of titans. I believe the superhero won, but it's hard to tell. So many things around the house seem to need saving anymore, apparently evil is running amok. So are all the Legos, Duplo blocks, and Matchbox cars, but Superhero Vacuum Brush sees those as a problem for mere mortals, like Mommy. He must conserve his strength for other tasks...things apparently involving "superhero stegosaurus" and "superhero jumper cables." (Frankly, I could have used a superhero with jumper cables the other afternoon, but Superhero Vacuum Brush was otherwise engaged at Grandma's.) I suppose even superheroes must be spoiled once in a while to maintain their powers...otherwise, what would become of those of us in need of an evil-sweep by vacuum brush?

A Magical Discovery

It's almost depressing to realize that you're behind on a trend and still enjoy it...even more so when the trend was young for your age back when it first happened! Yes, I was a little late to the Twilight party. Now I'm even later. Nearly ten years later. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have been magicked by none other than the worldwide preteen phenomenon, Harry Potter.

Apparently I'm not the only one, considering my professor today made a reference to Harry Potter in his lecture on the Age of Discovery. I can remember the furor when the books first came out, the children and teenagers lining up at bookstores across the nation for "Potter Parties" when the newest books were released, the little ones with lightning bolts painted on their foreheads for Halloween. The latest Harry Potter movie is due to be released by Warner Brothers this July 17th, but I haven't noticed the same media coverage in recent years as there was at first. I haven't noticed the same cry for censorship on the part of conservatives, either. Apparently the power of the book has overcome the power of closed-mindedness. One can hope! ;)

Regardless, I am finding myself drawn into this world of wizards and witches, and loving every minute of it! Sometimes we all need a way to escape reality for an hour or two. I'm just glad I have a ready supply of books on hand to help with that.